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based on the original song "Slim Shady" by Eminem
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Y'all act like you've never seen a yeshiva bachur before,
Jaws drop to the floor
Like Hevel when Cain just burst in the door
And started beatin his ass worse than before
they were cursed
and dispersed
all over the earth
It's the return of the
"Oh, wait, no way, you're kidding
He didn't just paskin like I think he did, did he?"
And Rabbi Dre says,
Nothing, you shmucks!
Rabbi Dre's dead,
He's up in Gan Eden.
Rabbaim and Ravs love chicka chicka Slim Shloimie
Look at him, studyin'
Walking around,
Shuckling like you know what,
Learning with you know who,
"Yeah but he's so stark though"
Yeah, I probably got a couple sfaros up in my head loose,
But no worse than what's goin' on inside your shul's coatroom
Sometimes I just wanna get on the bais din and let loose,
and I can't,
But it's cool for Arabs to stone our Israeli troops
"We're on Sharem el sharif, we're on sharem el sharif,
and if we're lucky, you might just give us the Gaza Strip"
And that's the lesson that we teach to our little kids,
And expect them not to know what a christmas tree is
Of course they're gonna know who Santa Claus is
by the time they get to forth grade,
after all they got cable TV, don't they?
We ain't nothing but Jewish,
well some of us chasidic,
who dance and sing around at the rebbi's tish
And if we can say a bracha on cantaloupe and artichoke
then there's no reason that shem Hashem can't be invoked
And if you feel like I feel,
I got the antidote,
Kids wave your shabbos clothes
Sing the chorus and it goes
I'm Slim Shloimie,
Yes I'm the real Shloimie
all the other Slim Shloimies are just really goyim
So won't the real Slim Shloimie please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up
Chafetz Chaim didn't have to rhyme in his books to give mussar
Well I do, so say brachos and don't talk in shul
You think I really care about MTV?
Half the shows are pornography
ABC is what's groovy
"but Shloimie, isn't there a video,
of the Rav giving a shiur?"
Why, so you guys can try,
just to get a TV in here?
So you can wheel it here,
a big screen from Sears
Chaim Aaron had better switch me chairs,
so I can learn the Rabbainu Tam and Resh Lakish,
and learn how much of the succah one can furnish
Yeah man, these days there's only garbage on TV,
"Ooh, when chainsaws attack, hee hee"
I should do a search for MP3
and see if I can find me any MBD
I'm sick of all the innuendo,
it's all immoral,
so I'm sittin' here trying to ignore you
And there's a thousand others just like me,
just like me,
just wanna learn like me
just like me,
Dress, talk and act like me
Just might be,
a great gemarakup,
but not quite me
I'm Slim Shloimie,
Yes I'm the real Shloimie
all the other Slim Shloimies are just really goyim
So won't the real Slim Shloimie please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up
It's a head trip when I learn with you,
cause I'm always finding you koolas
for every halacha there's ever been a question to
The only difference is you just like to say it
in front of y'all but you don't hold by it all
I'm always being stringent
and whether you like to admit it
I'm much stricter than 90% of the halachos out there
and you wonder how I can live this way without any heters
It's funny, cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty,
I'll be the only bachelor in the bais medrash learning
Getting set up by shadchin,
an' I'm tryin' meetin' women
and I'm datin' but none of the shiduchs are working
And every single person is a Slim Shloimie lurkin'
He could be dancing in the hora ring
Doing the whole simcha thing
Or in Boroughpark, learning, screaming
"That proves the pasuk!"
with sefarim open and reshonim looked up
So will the real Shloimie please stand up?
Thread a techalius through each tzitzus knot
And be proud of your pure mind
and self control,
and one more time,
loud as you can, how does it go?
I'm Slim Shloimie,
Yes I'm the real Shloimie
all the other Slim Shloimies are just really goyim
So won't the real Slim Shloimie please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up
Heh heh, I guess there's a little Shlim Shloimie in all of us
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