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The Kosher Top 10
Top 10 ways you know you are a JEWISH HIPSTER
by
Guy Emanuel
10. You live in Williamsburg but feel closer to the Bedford hipsters
than your Chassidish brothers.
9. The only time you talk about Shabbat is when you are explaining to your
friends why you can't go to the Friday night Sigur Ros concert.
8. You wear Tzitzit to add to your urban hipster look.
7. You have over 34 friends on friendster, not one of which has ever heard
of frumster.
6. You find it impossible to agree on a restaurant to meet all of your
kosher/vegetarian/vegan and fruitarian needs.
5. You think 9 to 5 is a good time to daven mincha. (that is
4:51pm).
4. You watched "Trembling Before G-d" because John Zorn
did the soundtrack.
3. You know that the Knitting Factory is a good spot to catch free
jazz and not the place your bubbie spent most of her time fantasizing
about while making you a kippa.
2. Even when discussing contemporary mussar books (which you
try to avoid like the plague) you use it as an excuse to show off your
vast knowledge of obscure literature.
1. You have 3 books on your night table; Italo Calvino, Dave Eggers
and Zevachim.
Readers Comments:
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From Jonathan H.
-You pretend that your rug-like ear-length sideburns are styled after Neil Young, but really you are following Rav Lichtenstein's shitta
-Man, we were so skila'd last night...
Grace is right tho, there are no Jewish hipsters. Certainly not here in London. At least you have the Village
From Jason:
You go home to raid your closets for all your "I went to Sams Bar Mitzvah", "JCC Athletics", "Israel Day 1986" T's that look so retro now.
You shop for used clothing in the salvation army, but you still look at labels for shatnez
Your 1970's horn rimmed glasses from your days in yeshiva need not be replaced
You love wearing your old shabbos suit with a pair of keds cause it reminds you of yom kippur
From Hash: SHA1
1. Lost your job. You do odd jobs like a taxi service, shlepping, anything
not so much in the public view.
2. Planning on taking your kids out of Yeshiva because of #1.
3. Travel to Israel by way of Amsterdam. You spend most of your time
in coffeeshops, then on elaborate sending back some endeavors.
4. Buy weed online, only got scammed twice.
5. Kids are turning out great, real menschen, no problems there.
6. Kids are very frum, you want them to be more than you are.
7. Get depressed, sit in Shule, don't say a word durng davening sometimes.
8. Daven at home mostly, an abridged morning service of about 5 minutes.
9. Sometimes get so angry even during Shmoneh Esrah, band your fists
at the table, shout at God, wonder why he has dealt you a really lousy
hand, slam the siddur, etc... decide it may be better to call off davening
that day.
10. Feel bad about # 9 for a while, but it happens again.
11. Have a Fuddruckers burger, then feel guilty so stop that one.
12. Love learning Torah. Attend Shiurim faithfully.
13. Usually don't speak or ask questions in a shiur unless medicated.
14. Never drink whiskey at a Kiddush or someones house.
From Grace
Subject: What Jewish Hipsters?!
ummm...there are nearly no jewish hipsters. jews are inherently unhip. they can't fathom that there is more to music and culture than dave matthews and counting crows. sorry, i could rant about this for hours. my sincerest apologies.
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