10. Everyday, you are greeted by a
Jamaican Chabadnik, a Wiccan apikorus
and a homosexual Puerto Rican Christian
missionary-turned-Orthodox yid. This is
normal for you.
9. Your most frequent
Hillel drop-in is an Asian chick. Said
Asian chick knows what mevushal wine is.
8. Sharing a vent with the Philosophy
Club has rendered you immune to all
derivatives of the cannabis plant.
7. A certain Sephardi demagogue
ceaselessly attempts to incite an
all-out ethnic conflict with the
Ashkenazim on campus.
6. Liquid lunches are easily
facilitated owing to the abundance of
booze stashed away in your Hillel
lounge.
5. You are numb to the phrase “end
the occupation!”
4. You speak Russian.
3. You spend more money on Kosher
lunch than tuition.
2. There are allegedly 2,000 Jews on
campus, yet you see the same ten
everyday.
1. You know what a diphthong is and
you aren’t hesitant to use it in a
sentence.
