Top Ten Ways to Spot Jews at Sporting Events
By
Sophie Marmor
10.
They’re buying food during the game but
they’re right in their seats for the
halftime show.
9. The family starts screaming at the vender
selling Hebrew National Hot Dogs for false
advertising.
8. They’re sitting in the front row, VIP
seats, but they’re still watching the
monitors anyway.
7. The parents are telling their hyperactive
ten year old boy not to pick a fight with
the drunk thug in the row behind them who’s
cheering for the other team yet has a KKK
hood in his backpack.
6. Zadie is talking very loudly about how
the only thing those black people were good
at was sports.
5. They’re on the phone with Bubbie trying
to politely reassure her that her
granddaughter will not run off with one of
those strapping yet very non Jewish linemen
after the game.
4. The father of the family is trying
to entice the mascot to be the entertainment
at the shul’s fundraising event next week
which he happens to be the chair for.
3. The Yeshivish member of the family calls
his rebbe to help him fight the yetzei hara
when he sees the cheerleaders do their very
sexy cheers.
2. A little boy with really long hair and a
kippah runs down the bleachers and on to the
court/field with a screaming older sister
behind.
1. Everyone in the family still they thinks
that they are in better shape than the MVP
of the game even if they haven’t worked out
in 25 years.
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