10. You go to Pizza Pita every single Saturday night but have never actually ordered any food. And you've got their schedule marked in your blackberry - no, not the restaurant's open hours - you've marked the hours during which you'll find certain crowds on Sat. night (Lubavs from Motzei Shabbos till 10, the Yeshivish boys from 10-11, then the non-frums from 11-12, the modern orthodox from 12-1, the after-clubbing Moroccans and minors from 1-2, etc...).
9. You went to Camp Hebrew Academy or wish you did.
8. Every single Moroccan Jewish person you know is related to every other Moroccan Jewish person you know.
7. You can spot Chassidic men wearing their Shabbos gear going to watch late-night movies at Guzzo or AMC on Sat. nights and Chol Hamoeds.
6. You have lived in a French province all your life but have never actually spoken the language. (NB: Moroccan is a distinct language)
5. You go to Chez Bennys even though service sux (as if those Israelis stopped smiling after the army - the only guy there not pissed off is the Hebrew-Speaking Paki who keeps asking for you number).
4. For something to do on a Sunday, you ride the Chabad bus to New York for the day - not because you want to visit the Ohel but because you want to buy a new fake Louis Vuitton bag on Canal Street.
3. When your non-Jewish friends start telling you how amazing it is to be Jewish because of Schwartz's Hebrew Delicatessen and Moishe's you hesitate before telling them those places aren't kosher.
2. Every single frum guy you know is studying or has studied at YU, but Stern is considered too slutty for any of your friends (with the exception of certain graduating classes of Hebrew Academy).
1. Even though you consider yourself frum, you've been going to clubs since you were 14. Obviously you got in because of one of the following reasons: you're in Quebec (as long as you pay, the booze is yours); your cousin's cousin owns the bar and there is even a sign saying kosher meat is available, so nothing unkosher about it; you got tickets to Hillel's one and only event of the year (Purim party!).
