Bangitout.com: Kosher Top 10

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From yakver@yahoo.com
You have put in at least 20 bucks in shelly's raffles but you never heard of somone actualy wining
2) You always forget to get the "community connections" for your wife
3) You have lost at least one towel in the "RCC pool"
4) You still cant figure out what zishes (from zishes bakery) means
5) You hate those dudes that hang out at "cousins pool hall"
6) You still cant remember "chaveirims" number
7) You laugh when you see a guy with a kosher supermarket cap a big beard curled up and tsitsis hanging out, walk into the strip joint
9) You hate the danishes in vishnitz but still buy them evryday
10) your 6 year old son has a cellphone
11) Your kids dont go to la-ruach daycamp because they dont take foodstamps
12) Your older son owes Rockshire transit 75 dollars
13) You dont know what ramapo means
14) You'r polish cleaning lady seams to know every language but english
15) You thank Hashem daily for not being a "Monsey trails" bus driver
16) You wonder why meal mart is still in bussines
17) Your still debating with your mother in law whether you should move to forshay or new squere
18) You always have a supply of fresh bagles in your car in case cops stop you
19) Your wife wants you to "Take her out" to auction mart
20) You collect shoprite coupons and fint them when your pants come out of the dryer
21) You still cant decide wich dry cleaners to use
22) Your thinking of opening a bar on the corner of 306 and maple
23) Your still waiting for those mexicans to finnish the new charedim so u can drink coffee there instead
24) You bring your own spoon when you daven in vishnitz
25) You wave your hands like a professinal when schnorers approach you
26) Youre wondering who the heaven wrote this stupit list
27) you dont know whether to laugh or cry
28) you feel bad for me cause i spell like a beis dovid kid
29) Your realizing how good it is that youre son is in beis mikrah now
30) Your looking up and thanking god for BangItOut.com

From colman@ppllc.com
Some comments/corrections:

1) The building housing the strip joint IS owened by a Chasid. I don't know
whether any of waitresses are Satmar but rumor has it that a stripper was.

2) The Saturday night hangout is Shelly's not Tov.

3) It's not fair to single out a single Minyan for talking too much. There
are many minyonim I can think of that are far worse.

frum SAM ASH, T

You realize Bubbas hasn't made bagels since he opened --they're actually, poppy, sesame, garlic,
onion and everything donuts

You go to Brooklyn and realize you forgot how to parallel park

You go back to Brooklyn for Shabbos & get woken up by the same car alarms you slept
peacefully thorough for 25 years

You prefer Amnon's frozen pizza to any of the "fresh" joints-- though a fresh Shelly's pie isn't bad

You realize Tuvia's Sfeforim store is the local equivalent of Cheers--not to mention the best hang in town--it's like Eichlers with attitude

You sneer at Forshay estates where property is measured in feet vs. acres like the rest of the world

You keep on checking local newspapers to see which chassidic groups are trying to circumvent local zoning laws

You try to explain to your friends in the 5 towns why you need 3 eruvs for forshay, when until last 2 years ago the Tendler/Monsey eruv was fine

Heeeeey, give us a lil credit, I noticed that sign about the Iced Coffee, but doesn't it strike you as more Brooklyny?
And I think you also left out one of the most important things:
Summers are spent working at Regesh or MaTov.

frum leyobo@msn.com: A few more additions...
your car has one or more of the following bumper stickers... "My son was masmid of the week in Degel HaTorah" "I Love Camp Merockdim" or last but not least "Camp Fun"

You remember when Camp Fun was in Ring Homestead

You refuse to daven in that shul right across from your house b/c of what they did to so and so's minyan

frum leyobo@msn.com:

Not bad but NOT written by a Monseyite. (Too many mistakes, see above)

Sammy's might have the best bagels but everything else at Bubba's KICKS.

You dont speak to your friend ever since you found out that he went to Bais Dovid for elementary school

Your high school is not in Monsey

When you talk about someone making aliya you call it "skipping the country"

Your shul is supported by a rich guy who just got indicted for tax evasion and stock fraud

Half your shul went along with him

------
frum Michael_Steinhart:
Not a bad list, but I have to make a few corrections:
Number 8: The new one on College Rd. is owned by Chai, not Shelly, and if you disagree, a fistfight really will break out! Also, the ice-cream one was closed down weeks ago. Where's your fresh gossip? If you're a real Monsey bochur, you know that Bubba is buying it, after forcing the owner to break a contract with J2, and that nobody knows when they're opening up again. You also have a friend who knows the pot dealer who used to work in the kitchen and he's going to fill you in as soon as he hears something!
Number 5: There is no question, in anyone's mind, as to who gives the best bagel. It's Sammy. You know how Chaza"l used to talk about Rachav Hazona? (Kol ha'omer rachav, rachav?) I've got another ecstacy-inducing two words for you: Sammy Stix. Yummm?..
Number -2. New Hempstead is already going the way of Lakewood. Wesley Hills is the place to be in 2003! Also, it's Forshay, not Forsche -- unless that was a very clever play on words. But you can't always expect a Monsey guy to be able to write those (see number 10).
And here are a few more --
You know you're a Monsey bochur/ette if:
You daven in "Shloimy's basement" and everyone knows where that is.
You've ever heard (or set off) the Beis Yaakov "Boy Alarm."
You've ever spent Shabbos afternoon in Viola Park (aaahhh, the good old days?).
The highlight of your life is going to "New York" on a Saturday night.
You're following the serialized spy story in "The Announcements."
You've seen geese, deer, and bears on your way to shul. (And penguins!)
You've ever lied about your age so you could vote against the school budget.
And while we're on the subject -- why don't we submit a list of chasidish typos and mistakes in popular chasidic newspapers? Okay -- I'm on it. Here's a funny one to whet your appetite:
Moishe's Meats: All our cold cuts is made from orgenic meat! (I'm not making this up)

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