10. One morning, your name is Steve Bartman, a good Jewish cubs fan. The next morning Cubs fans the world over are blaming the Jews not only for prevention of world peace, but also maintaining “the curse”. Only now do you feel ready to come out of hiding in order to submit this list to BangItOut.com.
9. You suggest to the shul board to plant ivy in the back of the shul to instill awe and inspiration for davening.
8. You start attending brit milas, where children’s names are Sammy, Moishe (Moises), and Kerry.
7. You find yourself often mixing up the phrases “Next year is our year” and “L’shana Haba’ah b’Yerushalayim.
6. You realize that there’s no coincidence that the Cubs colors are blue and white.
5. Holidays take on a new meaning: You consider Nissan the “Time of our Redemption” because it usually coincides with Opening Day at Wrigley. Instead of concentrating on self-reflection come Yom Kippur, you find yourself reflecting on the holes in the cubbies’ lineup wondering what kind of teshuva is necessary to get them into the playoffs NEXT year.
4. Also during Ellul, when beating your chest for “al chaits”, you find yourself doing the Sammy kissing of two fingers.
3. You and your people have long wandered the desert, believing with steadfast faith, that you will reach the promised land one day.
2. Despite years of trials and tribulations, of mockery and persecution from your enemies, Yemach Shemam (Yankee Fans), you nonetheless remain identified and affiliated.
1. Mesilat Yesharim teaches us to view this life as but a vestibule to the World to Come, to cope with the difficulties and challenges of this world, for all the sweeter will it be when we arrive at the World to Come. So too, as Cubs fans, we must see these last 96 years of exile, of being in the baseball Diaspora, as a necessary prelude, so that we are zocheh the sweetness that will be the World Championship.