10. The last kosher Noah's Bagels in the city just went trayf, and you're afraid that certain members of the community will starve to death.
9. You give out-of-towners directions to Temple Emanu-El by telling them to drive west on California Street, past the shul with the huge green dome, until they see the shul with the huge red dome. If they see a church with huge gold onion domes, they've gone too far.
8. You don't understand why New Yorkers keep making you spell 'Arastradero' for them when you give the address to the Peninsula JCC. Dudes, it's phonetic.
7. Your shul starts planning for the Gay Pride Parade right after Shavuos.
6. You're still devastated that Shenson's Deli closed. Sometimes you stand outside Cyberhunt with your nose to the glass and wistfully remember the last Pesach you bought all your groceries there.
5. You once roofed a Sukkah by doing some judicious unauthorized pruning of the palm trees on the center divide on Dolores Street.
4. You've ridden through Golden Gate Park in the sidecar of the Mitzvah
Scooter.
3. You've sat for longer than 45 minutes at the It's-It Grill, enjoying the authentic Israeli service, admiring the portraits of rabbonim on the walls, and waiting for them to finish schechting the chicken, or whatever it is they're doing back there that's holding up your kebab.
2. You have a choice of three kosher meat places since Molly Stone's opened, but you still have to drive forty-five minutes to bob & bob in Palo Alto to buy tefillin or any Jewish book not available at Borders.
1. You've been to weddings where every present on display is wrapped in bob & bob giftwrap, and been asked if the blue paper with the white dots means something in the Chasidic tradition.