MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER:
" Nu, After all that money your father and I spent for you on braces, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"

COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER:
"So Mister Big Sailor Boy, I don't care what you discovered, how come you didn't once even write a postcard!"

MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Can't you paint on walls like all the other kids? You maybe no idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Hokay, so if you ain't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me."

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you maybe wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

MARY'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better! grade than you."

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Listen to me Please Abie, for your own good I'm telling you: it's your senior picture. Couldn't you do maybe something about your hair? Something. Ah comb, maybe?

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"The next time I catch you throwing good money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

JONAH'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"A nice story. A wonderful story. A writer you should be. Now tell me where you've really been for the last forty years."

THOMAS EDISON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"