Esther clicks her ruby red shoes three times together and says, “there’s no place like Persia”.
Esther and Mordechai are confronted by Jerry Springer to do their “Married Cousins Show”
Haman and his ten sons, on the way to being hanged, secretly replace themselves with the seven dwarves thereby making a Snow White sequel impossible.
Esther legally changes her name to the “Artist formerly known as Hadassah”
The key anonymous reader of the Achashvarosh’s Book of Chronicles turns out to be unsuspected cripple, Verbal Kint.
In the director’s cut, God explains how fun it was to work with such a great cast. Although he admits, Mordechai had trouble with the love scenes.
The obligation of Drinking “Ad De’Loh Yudah” is extended to Boruch Rudy, Arror Bin Laden
Instead of a lottery, Haman uses the rock, papers, scissors game to decide the fate of the Jews causing the holiday to be called “Even, Neyair and Misparayim Day.”
Mordechai ends movie with infamous line “Frankly Esther, I don’t give a damn”
Achashvayrosh ends story with Broadway rendition of “Springtime for Haman”
In a startling ending, G-d Reveals himself as the mastermind behind the whole chain of events, which of course enrages hundreds of Jewish children, who suddenly have lost their only opportunity to dress up like Dracula in shul
Haman calls off National annihilation of Jewish People due to Achashvarosh’s new agenda to “wage a War on Terror”
Mordechai marries non-family member
Instead of calling Vashti to entertain, Achashvayrosh calls out the wild Purim antics of Rabbah and Rebbi Zayrah
Tenth son of Haman changes his name to “Tito”
Haman’s Signet ring is actually counterfeit 1985 Chicago Bears Superbowl Ring
In reality, Mordechai has been dead the whole time and the only one who saw him was a twelve year old from Philadelphia.
Scooby and the Gang discover that Haman all along was Mr. Peterson from the corner store who was threatened by the opening of Achashvarosh’s new department store.
Vashti changes her name to Tiffany and becomes a huge star in America when she releases an updated version of “I Think We’re Alone Now”
Haman and his ten sons are not hanged, instead they are asked to work in Persia’s first Blockbuster Video which is a much worse punishment, being that Persia University is near it and all the trendy University kids roll their eyes when Haman and Sons mispronounce the foreign movie titles.
(Medrash) Esther is finally told that the reason she is green is because her father was Kermit the Frog and her mom was a head of lettuce.
Because times are tough, Mordechai is laid off and is forced to collect Persian Unemployment Checks. Achashvarosh publicly blames the poor economy but privately sites “the weird winking” going on between his wife and
Mordechai.
Mordechai admits that Bigson and Seresh were just practicing their recently perfected Klingon which sounds uncannily similar to Persian for “let’s kill the king.”
Scooby-Doo cast appears and unmasks Haman who says “I would of got away with it. if it wasn’t for you meddling kids”
The Megillah is ended prematurely…saying stay tuned for next season. “Purim 2 …the megillah continues”
Mordechai returns to Israel to follow his true passion in life…..Tai-Bo kickboxing.
Esther and Mordechai start grunge band “Mordechai and the Blowfish” and go on college campus tour.
As the Death Star Explodes, we see Haman escaping into the depths of space, leaving room open for a sequel.
Mordechai ends movie with infamous line “Frankly Esther, I don’t give a damn”
Oliver Stone ties JFK conspiracy with Purim story. There was a second Haman in the grassy knoll!
Mordechai and Esther kill Achashvarosh and have to deal with hiding the body…..”Weekend at Achashvarosh’s II”
Achashvarosh invites a third-party negotiator to resolve issues between Haman and Mordechai. He is unsuccessful, but does leave a detailed plan concluding that unless the parties learn to get along there will not be peace.
Haman is suspiciously and brutally murdered outside his home before he can conduct the final and fatal Purim lottery. A bloody glove was found at the scene but the Persian police are stumped as to its owner.
In order to repeal the lottery, the Jews are encouraged to give Haman half of their territory in Persia. In return he promises to repeal the lottery for at least 6 months. The leader who brokered the deal remarks, “We now have peace in our time!”
Haman is assassinated by an unknown swordsman. The Persian police captured who they claim is the culprit but conspiracy theories still abound. People are still talking about his wife’s sense of fashion though; apparently with a name like Zeresh you can still be a good dresser.
When Achashvarosh first orders Esther to marry him, she suddenly reveals a commitment problem. They spend many long nights in Starbucks discussing their issues and reach the conclusion that she just isn’t ready. After all, does he really have what it takes to be the best husband for her? (Note: Spielberg is eyeing Meg Ryan as Esther for this version of the script.)