Top 30 signs you are from Jewish Elizabeth, NJ

30.b You are personally best friends with Aryeh the Pizza Guy Jaschinsky

29. Anything even remotely against R' Teitz is sacrilege and you are going straight to hell. Even if you were joking.

28. Akiva Resnick, Akiva Sausen and Pete Kessel are revered as basketball gods. Some boys even have fantasies of a one-on-one with Akiva and Akiva.

27. You remember the good old days at JEC, before it was RTMA, when the toughest thing as a senior was deciding how to spend your free periods. a)golf b) student lounge video games c) basketball.
the toughest part of your other high school years was deciding which TV shows to watch at night.

26. the only town with tons of Jewish kids yet nothing even remotely near a hangout for them on Sat. nights. Although, if you were sketchy, your options were hi-q, bowling w/the white trash, or movies in a dirty theatre too afraid of dying to concentrate on the plot.

25. as a high school kid you waited the whole week for Friday afternoons, right after school, when you could get a chance to hang out w/the Bruriah girls while waiting for the bus.

24. Getting lucky on a weekend was getting the key and playing ball in the "old" gym. The newer million dollar gym, was off limits unless Resnick got the key from his mom, Shulamith Resnick.

23. you remember the good old days on sun. mornings in the summer when softball at "Palsey Park" was a big deal, and kids maybe got to play catcher and bat once. now just getting a 7 on 7 is a huge deal.

22. your town is used a reference point for people from linden ( see Dworken, Arye (who is the coolest guy to come out of JEC – ed. note), et. al) in describing where their town is. " you know right near Elizabeth".

21. you never thought of moving back there when you got married, yet here you are, bemoaning the fact that you cant get into teaneck apartments, so you're living on the "North Ave" side temporarily.

20. before that, the only time you saw people from that side was on tashlich. Or when that side had a chulent kiddush.

19. every time you walked home on Shabbos with a girl, the whole town automatically assumed you were engaged to her even if you were only in the seventh grade.

18. on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur you cursed the chazan, and rued the day he first came to Elizabeth 40 years ago, wishing he wound up in Miami instead. you did this, as you were praying for forgiveness.

17. You went to or worked at camp kehila for countless years, yet have 0 fond memories of it.

16. you know all the crazy people on Elmora Ave. (like the guy who thinks he is Madonna) and at the train station – lets be honest, nothing like riding the train back from NYC at 2 am.

15. hot 22- need we say more.

14. Yelling in shul is completely normal – You've seen all the great fights in shul over the years, you learned a "bissel" of yiddish from the bidding wars on the yomim noraaim and you're certain that Sal really hates Jewish people.

13. Rabbi Jaffe has hit you on the head with an Olameinu.

12. You've been through more principals than you've been through underwear.

11. You stay far away from the hermit that lives across the street from the school, next door to the Mayerfelds (bonus fact: the Mayerfeld's son's name is Mayer – if he ran for Mayor, he would be Mayor Mayer Mayerfeld)

10. You have been yelled at by Mrs. Lalouch, Mrs. Lazar or Mrs Dauber; maybe all three yelled at you at once.

9. You prefer Hot Bagels bagels because they were there first and besides the Kashrus controversy adds more of an appeal.

8. You wash on three slices (Rabbi Teitz said so)

7. and speaking of Rabbi Teitz; you know the urban myth that the Rav was known to use banana as karpas on Pesach night.

6. Junior, Sal, Simcha, Ray.

5. Seeing your rabbeim in the Mikvah erev Rosh Hashanah without their clothes on.

4. Rabbi Snow, at one point, has called you "a bump on a log."

3. Dunkin' Donuts erev Pesach is the place to be.

2. the G.O. is the shadiest business in the area next to that beeper store on Elmora Avenue.