10. Where else are awards for supporting actors a really big deal?
9. At one, Joan Rivers is judging everyone; at the other, everyone is Joan Rivers
8. One has a “Who's Who”, the other has a “Aren't you my cousin's wife?”
7. At either, If you are a gentile and you throw in just one Yiddish word, you are the funniest speaker on the planet
6. Everyone is celebrating the Wolves of Wall Street
5. Would there not be peace if we just had Billy Crystal vs. Palestinians??
4. The real action, at both, happens at the after-parties
3. Elders of Zion have the choice of conspiring on either coast
2. Scarlett Johansson needs to win an award at both
1. The night will be won by a common theme: American Hustle