10. Recently got off flight from Liberia
9. Can't stop talking about how much fun bowling in Williamsburg was last night
8. Claims to have done challah baking from quarantine
7. Swears his fever and persistent vomiting are just the aftermath from some leftover chulent
6. He writes the Israel headlines for Reuters or AP
5. Considers Judaism one of his favorite ISMs, only 2nd to voyeurism
4. Favorite rapper: Jihadi John
3. Currently starring in the role as “Palestinian Terrorist #2” in Lincoln Center Opera
2. Profession: DC Mikvah attendant
1. The two melachim escorting him home from Shul are wearing Hazmat suits