It's time for the Bangochover Rav to answer your questions!!! The Bangochover Rav, bangitout.com's official kosher supervision, will answer anything and everything. However, please realize that the rabbi does not reflect the views or opinions of Bangitout.com nor of those of the rest of the jewish people.
“Do you have a question that only a rabbi can answer? Send in the question here, and I'll start my research right away” – The Bangochover Rav
Dear Bangochover Rav,
Dear Rebbi, Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? Noel, Dallas, TX
Rabbi: Dear Soul Searcher, A very deep baffling kasha, one that has made some of our ingenius masters and disciples go mad. My guess would be to check the Dome of the Rock(apella) But, if I were Lubovitch, I'd conveniently suggest, check your mezuzah.
Dear Rav, What is Kabbalah? Michelle, Skokie, IL
Rabbi: Dear Marvelous Asher-Kutcher Chasid, Once you turn 40 years old, learn all of the TANACH, Gemara, Mishna Brura it'll become as clear to you as a watered down chulent. The only other way of reaching the highest levels of mysticism in Judaism, is to become an incredibly wealthy popstar featured on VH1 100 times a day, and then convert to christianity.
Dear Rav, Is Being in Love before Marraige Wrong? Jonny R, San Diego, CA
Rabbi: Dear Baal-Tayvah, If it isn't, I have some explaining to do.
Dear Rav, Is Starbucks Drinks Kosher? Emily, Caffeine Addict -Lower Merion, PA
Rabbi: My Dear Neshamachino Latte, paying $5 for burnt coffee is assur midoraysa. Someone should never worship CochavimKesef. But since they filter their water in New York, I'll give you a heter.
Dear Rabbi, WHY did Yeshiva University put an end to there once very famouse “mixers” between YU/Stern College???? There are no co-ed social events anymore WHY??????? They were great when they had them in the 60's and 70's and 80's!? Dovi, Shtark YU Bochur
Rabbi: Dear My Beloved Shtark JSS yid, you have been michavayne to the bomb kasha of some of the greatest rishonim and achronim of this generation, none of which were as brazen to put their teshuvos in writing. Luckily, I have that sefer. There was a time my beloved YU talimidim once looked forward to more exciting things than simply bumping into Stern Tzidkaniyos at the Seforim Sale bishogayge. Now they are left to finding their bashert by staring endlessly at Werzweiller rebetzins, and hoping to have the improbable mazal to get seats in the coed section at the Chanukah Concert. The answer is that the roshei yeshivot would rather you find your bashert in a more private and tznius setting – If that place, which they have given aitzah to visit, is explicit chat rooms in the YU Computer lab at 3am. They have done their job well.
Dear Rabbi, Being that Adam probably had no umbilical chord, it is unlikely that he had a belly button…Do you , with your rabbinical knowledge, concur? -Loyal Reader, E.G.
Rabbi: Dear Loyal Chuzpanick, Who taught you to ask a shylah? Do I concur with YOU? I wrote the book on Umbilical Chords Throughout Shaas, (Feldheim 1978 “Igeres Pupick”) How dare you ask me such a treif 15th Century theological Art History kasha, a course which following my attendance, Rav Shechter proudly assured. However, I do recall an obscure midrash that says explicitly “The lint produced in Adam's naval was used to sew the Yerios of the Mishkan.” Hamayvin Yavin.
With the Yamim Noraim approaching, what are you sorry for? -Joey E.
According to my ilui Cheshbone Hanefesh accountant, I really didn't dance hard enough at my nephew's cousin's brother's wedding, I tried to do a shtickle Mr. Roboto mixed with some hayligah Brittney Spears Shlita moves, but I ended up with Hatzalah dancing me to a stretcher.(before the MAIN Course!) The funny thing is that happened at my own wedding as well. (in the yichud room) Oops, I did it again.
Are you frum? -Flamebaby, G.C., IL
: Dear holy holy Aishyeled, If you go according to the Modern understanding of the term FRUM as an Acronym for: Forget Religion Until Moshiach. NO WAY IN EFFIN HELL!!!!
I have seen new square kosher milk at the market, and I am perplexed. What can possibly be unkosher about milk? Please respond, as this is a serious inquery. Elayne Hack
Rabbi: Well for starters, male cow's milk ain't kosher(see the movie Kingpin for more detail) Also one may confuse it for shiksa breast milk, which is a heck of a lot better looking and tastier (I'm told!) Which may not be kosher if she worships (American) idols, like my Barry Manilow-to-be Clay, but don't worry it is, according to most poskim, still considered pareve!
Why did Onlysimchas crash? Bear Cats, Teaneck, NJ
Rabbi: Onlysimchas suffered the plague of Choshech, Darkness, so that they could secretly remove all the ugly people on the site…and by ugly I mean taken. The west side wants Onlysingles.com pics, that would bring real simcha to the upper web-side.
What can I do to repent for what I did at a certain new years party? Bensi Balldrop, Times Square, NY
Rabbi: “There are 3 T's,” says Rav Pat Sajak, but if Teshuva, Tefillah and Tzedaka don't apply you can always try 'location, location, location' as a mantra, or click your heels together 3 times and say Shalom Aliechem to 3 girls at the next party. The one who responds Aleichem Shalom is your bashert… We are talking about dating right?
How come Jews eat Chinese food on Christmas? General Tsaowitz, Chinatown
Rabbi: We do so because it satisfies our appetites & our souls, allowing us to focus all our spiritual efforts on whatever our eternal, holy torah Fortune cookies, tell us.
Will there be a New York City transit strike? Moshe Bloomberg, Gracie Mansion, NY
Rabbi: Monsey Trails brakes for no one! I'd be more worried about getting sold out of the Christmas Day charter bus to Atlantic City.. Something moving about davening Maariv with 500 Chassidim all facing (and praying to) the holy penny slots.
Who will be the next leader of the Sopranos family Dynasty? Paully Walmart, Newark , NJ
Rabbi: HBO has appointed the YU presidential search committee to decide. They are doing some research to see if there is any Italian lineage in the Soleveichick family.
Is Turkey Kosher? Pocahantas Goldberg, Plymouth Rock, MA
Rabbi: this “Americanisha hen” may lack mesorah, but it definitely has a place in my stomach. If you disagree, I'm not M'goble.
Hey Rabbi, where can I find a good DVD Player? Chaim, Brooklyn
Rabbi: Such a pliadicka kasha, I searched my seforim to be misachayke with such rushay tayvos, Pshitah it's Dor V'Dor, but I found the Holy Kutzker says the letters, Daled-Vuv-Daled, stands for none other than the saintly Dovie Van Damme, Claude Van Damme's yeshivisha brother in the shtarkest movie “The Order”