Just imagine if these folks actually HAD a Jewish Mother. She might actually have said:

MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER:
“This you call a smile, after all the money your father and I spent on
braces?”

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER:
“I don't care what you've discovered, you still should have written!”

MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER:
“Why can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you know how hard
it is to get this junk off the ceiling?”

NAPOLEON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
“All right, if you're not hiding your report card inside your jacket,
take your hand out of there and show me!”

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
“Again with the hat! Why can't you wear a baseball cap like the other
kids?”

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
“Next time I catch you throwing money across thePotomac, you can kiss
your allowance good-bye!”

THOMAS EDISON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
“Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now
turn it off and go to sleep!”

PAUL REVERE'S JEWISH MOTHER:
“I don't care where you think you have to go, young man,midnightis long
past your curfew!”

And then these two, who really did have Jewish mothers:

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
“But it's your senior photograph! Couldn't you have done something
about your hair?”

MOSES' JEWISH MOTHER:
“That's a good story! Now tell me where you've really been for the last
forty years.”

Jewish Mother's Answering Machine:

If you want chicken soup, press 1;
If you want matzoh balls with the soup, press 2;
If you want varnishkas, dial 3;
If you want knishes press 4;
If you want to know how am I feeling, you are calling the wrong number since nobody ever asks me how I am feeling.

Last Wishes

A woman in Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered all over the shopping mall.
“Why the shopping mall?” asked the rabbi.
“Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.”

No Pressure!

A man is laying on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, the surgeon. The father says, “Son, think of it this way… If anything happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you.”

Mrs. Goldberg, age 75, went to see a gynecologist for the first time in her life. She was asked to step behind a screen and remove her >clothes so the doctor could examine her. At some point during the examination, Mrs. Goldberg said, “Excuse me, doctor, can I ask you a question?”
“Certainly,” the doctor replied.
“Tell me,” she said. “Your mother knows that from this you make a living?”

Rugalach, a Love Story