RULES FOR WORK
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you are going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes or supplies don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If you don't like my work tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations.
8. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
9. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton.
10. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less
fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you
received for being such a good manager.