Top Ten Lulav/Esrog Shaking Techniques

10.    The Sarah Palin Shake – no experience necessary. Just look good and wink a lot while shaking.

9.      The Tzippi Livni Shake – Kadima! Kadima! Kadima!

8.      The Ahmadinejad Shake – gather all the parts to shake (esrog, lulav, hadasim, aravot), threaten to shake,  then insist it's not for shaking at all

7.    The Philadelphia Phillies Shake – take lulav and hit your esrog over the mechitza.

6.    The Wall Street Shake – completely drop your esrog, break its pitom and everyone else's, then beg for new ones, ideally from the communal building fund

5.    The Obama Shake – shake it towards the left, and then bring it towards the right, if anyone in the audience is pro-Israel

3.   The McCain Shake – shake it towards the right, but bring it hard left if anyone mentions Bush

2.  The Joe Biden Shake – do whatever, no one seems to care.

1.  The Dow Shake – Shake up and down, then down again, then down a whole lot more. The key is to make sure no one has any clue which way you'll shake next.