Considering artificial insemination? Perhaps Vincent Gallo is the donor you’re looking for. Amongst a host of personally used items for sale (e.g. the stuff you’d find in your neighbour’s garage), the infamous writer and star of the self-proclaimed “legendary masterpiece” The Brown Bunny is offering fans an opportunity to purchase his sperm for in vitro fertilization, or natural insemination, should you be willing to pay an extra fee. But slow down there cowboys, Mr. Gallo isn’t selling to just anyone. “Those of extremely dark complexions” may find their requests rejected. But fear not members of the Jewish religion:
Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar.
And if you’re looking for a bargain, those “who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century” will receive steep discounts. Considering a purchase? Check out http://www.vgmerchandise.com/misc.html for more details that would even make Boris Pribich blush.