Introduce your date to other tables as the "future Mr. or Mrs. —–." As your date tries to move back to your table, blushing madly, whisper, loud enough that they can still hear, "She doesn't know about the ring I hid in her soup!" (Note: this works better if you're a girl, and your date has already finished his soup.) – C.C. Milwaukee, WI

Pay the bill in pennies, which, if you're a guy, should be taken from your luggage-sized pastel change purse. C.C. Milwaukee, WI

Ask your date if anyone has ever made it through a whole meal while being subjected to his or her Monkey-Ass breath. Then tell them it reminds you of home. C.C. Milwaukee, WI

Asked to be excused- explaining you must call your Mom and update her on how things are going. Repeat this every 10 minutes. R.D. Los Angeles, CA

Look at the bill and exclaim "whooooaaaa!…i think i left my wallet in a different pair of pants"-> A.K. Teaneck,NJ

Speak about efficient diposal methods of horse excriment, female circumcision or albino midgets for as long as you physically can.- A.K. Teaneck,NJ

Comment on whatever is being served at the table with: "_____ gives me gas"- A.K. Teaneck,NJ

Wipe your nose on your sleeve. Then say to your date "Hey, You gotta see this!"

Repeat every third third word you say say.

Give your claim to fame as being voted "Most Festerous" for your high school yearbook.

Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know what they are talking about.

Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds.

Howl and whistle at womens' legs, especially if you are female.

Recite your dating history. Improvise. Include pets.

Sacrifice french fries to the great deity, Pomme.

When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food.

Drool.

Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in front of you.

Ask your date how much money they have with them.

Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows, where you have a good view of all exits, and where you can keep your back to the wall. Act nervous.

Lick your plate. Offer to lick theirs.

Hum.

Fill your pockets with sugar packets, as well as salt and pepper shakers, silverware, floral arrangements…i.e anything on the table that isn't bolted down.

Slide under the table. Take your plate with you.

Order beef tongue. Then start cracking up uncontrollably.

Discuss boils and lesions, as if from personal experience.

Take a break, and go into the restroom. When you return to the table,throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs. Insist that they just need airing out.

Accuse your date of espionage.

Make odd allusions to dangerous religious cults.