Before we start…please realize, Reishit is handsdown the best yeshiva in Israel, and this list was created with love, and alot of sarcasm. (plus, we are trying to get back into mussar this Thursday)
– One word: Marcus
– Your yamaka type (suede, knit, velvet) changed once your girlfriend dumped you.
– You couldn't seem to wake up for minyan all week, but miraculously on Friday's you were up at 6:30am for your league football game.
– You only understood what a taste of Olam Habbah meant once you tasted Marsepan rugaluch.
– Dorgam knows more about Halacha than you do
– Your biggest achievement of your year in Israel was being able to eat 15 slices of “all you can eat” pizza at Pizza Hut or a kilo steak at “El Gauchos”
– You find no contradiction in the most unserious rabbi giving the most serious mussar on Thursdays
– Understanding halacha, Gemarah, and Hebrew comes secondary to understanding trick lead-pencil finger flicks
– Making it into mussar is more important than making it into Olam Habbah
– Succas time…..long hair. Peasach time…..long payis.
– Waiting on line for an hour on Friday afternoon for pre-shabbos cholent in Geulah was not considered bitul torah.
– There was nothing more fun than going to a Chaim Dovid melave malka……drunk.
– After being out of Reishit for more than 4 years, a “Reishit Reunion” consists of running into your rebbe in Atlantic City on Christmas.
– You've experienced the quite uncomfortable “Explaining The Neturei Karta Position” tisch by Rav Schiller at Rav Ari's house.
– You've spent at least one sleepless night plotting how to break down the divider wall in the upper dorm to get to the hot chicks in the Sephardic Center.
– No matter what year, there is always the token guy who gets kicked out for drugs
– You never really knew if it was a blessing or a curse when Rav Jay told you “I've got a daughter for you…”
– Guru Gil meditation sessions were a common Saturday night activity
– Has anyone ever heard of Dan Polisar and Yoram Hazony outside of Reishit?
– You know how much Anchiel sells donuts for. PS. they are Milchig.
– You worshipped Raanan Grobman because he could dance yeshivishly.
– 6:30am: MUCHANIM!
– You were considered a real nice “cool” guy in high school….just not smart
– There was only one purpose in showing up at minchah on Tuesdays….getting a meal ticket.
– 'No Torah Tuesdays' wasn't just a catchy title.
– At some point, you had every movable item in the Rova in your bedroom
– Your father donated something to the Beit Shemesh campus to get you in
– You had a pet named “Rav Bina”
– You prayed for the shabbos when a girls yeshiva was staying in the Sefardic center
– You had a crush on the Sherut Le'umi office girl
– You received email by finding it printed out on the bulletin board.
– You wish you were as scummy as neveh, as frum as KBY, and as smart as Shaarei Mevaseret
– Your biggest question of the day was what to order with your meal tickets
– You said you learned 14 hours straight when all you did was read Chanoch Teller stories
– Names like Maz, Gertel, Lauber, Schulman, Weinstock and Burg are legendary
– We had Chaim Dovid before Mevaseret stole him
– None of the Marcus rabbis have never actually experienced whatever your problem is, but always seem to have some “friend” that has.
– Going to the mall to see a movie wasn't complete without bringing along Burger King into the movie as a snack.
– You have no idea what the “Genesis Jerusalem Institute” really does, other than hire cute Sharut Leumi office girls
– You wish you were Avi the Tour Guide.
– You think Rabbi Maliwitsky knows about your serious shichvah zerah levatalah problem, and of course, who you are reincarnated as.
– Jeff Siedel is the mole, as well as your best friend, especially when you need a shabbos meal….with hot irreligious girls.
– You believe Rabbi Blinder has not only translated the Artscroll Tanach, but has actually authored its Hebrew text with ruach hakodesh naturally acquired from his father-in-law and his time spent in the Rav's Shiur when he was 16.
– In your mind, Rav Blinder also is in the running for the next moshiach
– Rabbi Seigel is the smartest man you know, although; this is primarily due to the fact that he doesn't have an American accent.
– You've always had a serious friendly kesher with Rabbi Shluss, but you have no idea why….ummm “do you have a light?”
– Keyword: Tony's Makolet
– Drink of Choice: Polish Butterfly
– The question remains: Will Rav Eli eat there, or just pick up from there?
– No matter how old you are, Rav Olshen has a brother your age
– Shaking your head acknowledging every word of Rav Blachman's shiur is generally just as good as actually listening.
– The words “Reishit Reunion” are generally associated with the condescending term “I'm better friends with Rav Ari that you are”
– The nicer the lead pencil, the more religious you were.
– Who cares about learning…. it's a good “underlining Card” that's the ikar!
– Who cares about learning….it's a neat book desktop setup that's the ikar!
– Who cares about learning….above all other things, “3M Color-Coated-Stick it-Bookmarks” are Kineged Kulam!
– You say “The fact that reishit offers so many Hashkafas is what makes it so great!”, but you think “”The fact that reishit offers so many Hashkafas is what makes my life so effin confusing”
– “Mook” was so much cooler than Rav Chaim
– You chuckle every time you hear the month of Kislev (Kiss-Lev)
– Movies are Kosher to Rav Eli, Assur to Rav Ari…..hmmm hey -sounds good to me!
– Let me guess, you want to marry the first girl you date too.
– Forget doctor, lawyer, You want to be a night seder rebbi, living in Ramat Beit Shemesh when you get married
– You're under the impression that not talking to girls will land you a hot outgoing wife.
– You wonder where Rav Dani got his smicha?
– There is no question that Rav J has at least once or twice “ordered a hit” on someone
– Burning full mattresses, chairs, doors, walls, in flammable dorm hallways is encouraged…. heck- the more bottles of right guard the better!
– Hallway = Garbage Can
– After a month on the old city, wacky tours in the Rova praying to Jesus didn't faze you.
– Making a Siyum on one mishnah of pirkei avos called for babkah and pandamodium around the bimah.
– You dreamed at night of being invited to Rav Ari's or Rav Eli's for a shabos meal.
– Pleading you went to Vasikin was an obvious excuse for not getting up in the morning.
– From day one, you were trained to see Hakotel as pure evil.
– Reishit makes nobody's into somebody's…and somebody's into Gods.
– If there are no stories about you…there was no you.