It behooves you as a Jewish music lover to watch the following video and not immediately consider converting to another religion.


After all, the music is awesome.  The cinematography is top rate.  But the music video – shot in a kosher supermarket with product placement and singing fish – is troubling on a variety of levels. Most of which, that someone actually thought of this as a cool music video idea. (they were right, 200k views later) Therefore, to really appreciate this magical bizarre video without throwing up in your mouth – we sincerely suggest mass amounts of narcotics before viewing. So now a brief play by play:  

 


“Ya’alili” is a meaningless word that translates to “meaningless word.” It is also the hottest hummable stuck-in-your-ear candy-coated music sensation since The Maccabeats sang their way into America’s hearts with their knockoff-of-a-knockoff song “Candlelight.”

 “Ya’alili” is sung by the group “8th Day” and is YouTubable at a kosher browser near you. The video begins in Pomegranate, a grocery store designed by a squad of architects tripping on acid, by showcasing Jews from every walk of life: the Haredi Jew, the Litvish Jew, the Zionistic Jew, the Hippie Jew and the token PC black guy who clearly found himself in the wrong supermarket.

Before the music begins, the story is framed by your now-standard token Jew-with-a-chip-on-his-shoulder-who-will-see-the-light-of-day-before-the-clip-is-over. He’s closely related to the now-standard Jew-hurls -epithets-at-the-Gentile-help-but-has-change-of-heart-once-he-learns-Leroy-or-Guadalupe-actually-understands-Yiddish-but-has-hidden-that-fact-for-twenty-years.

The happy-go-lucky cashier, who is unaware he’s above water because he’s still wearing goggles, announces “Ya’alili” over the PA, and the music and dancing and grooving begins.  Why is he wearing a winter coat? Just adds to his mystery.

Then suddenly this modern kosher supermarket is infiltrated by snakecharmer Sephardic musicians and guitarists in the cereal aisle.  If you haven't started on those pills, please do so now.

A teenager mopping the floor suddenly goes Fred Astaire by dancing with a mop.  The kid’s got moves. Like The Maccabeats, he won’t be single for long, if indeed he isn’t yet spoken for.

The butchers in the meat department then start banging their knives around, dangerously close to each other. Since the closing credits don’t say, “No shochtim were harmed in the making of this film,” it must be assumed that indeed, and unfortunately, they must have massacred each other.

Then three fish sing part of the chorus, which proves, once again, especially after the scandal in Monsey and tons of historic folklore along the same lines, that Jews simply love talking fish.

The Sephardic Jews again, with their traditional jam band outfits in the dairy section!  Man, this would be great to watch while on drugs.

Wait, is that one of the butchers on the drums? Where’s the other guy? Whoa, maybe I was right. Oh, there he is again. Pshew!

And now the singers break for an apparent hot stuff eating contest. Interesting. Did you know the hotness of peppers is rated in scovilles? Now you do. (sellout alert!)

There’s the dancing kid again, definitely spoken for at this point, and the butchers dancing like Rockettes, and more hippie Jews, and the guitarist is choking on the peppers, and there are those hilarious fish again!

Trippy musical interlude by the musicians dressed like Sefardi royalty, and hey, is that Balki Bartokomous? And where did that Lubavitcher guy come from? Nice moves!

Speaking of moves, that good-looking kid is back. Whoa, put him on Cirque-du-Soleil with those crazy backflips! And look, he’s joined by his friends, dancing NSYNC/Backstreet Boys style.

Back to our chip-on-the-shoulder Jewish friend, who’s suddenly realized LSD is some real, real good stuff, and exits the store, presumably directly into traffic.


Aaaaaand credits, every one of which is Chaim Marcus. Why doesn’t he just put everything he did in one shot? Couldn’t he get some help anyway? Did he really do this all by himself? And how come there’s no acting credits? I recognize some of the actors, but can’t quite place them.
               
Anyway, the video is mostly meaningless fun. In other words, it’s all Ya’alili.

Martin Bodek is co-founder of TheKnish.com, beat reporter for Jrunners.org, surname columnist for Jewishworldreview.com, and author of “Bush II, Book I,” availalble on lulu.com.