when she dances she makes the band skip

– when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease doctor gave her 13 years
to live

– she puts mayonnaise on aspirin

– her ass has its own congressman

– her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard

– when she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts

– her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph

– her driver's license says Picture continued on other side

– the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs

– all the restaurants in town have signs that say Maximum Occupancy240 Patrons

 

– when she ran away they had to use all four sides of the milk carton

– when she gets in an elevator it HAS to go down

– she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth

– she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her

– I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side

– they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through

– her nickname is DAAAMN

– she has to iron her pants on the driveway

– she's on BOTH sides of the family

– when I yell Kool-Aid she comes crashing through the wall

– she could sell shade

– when she crosses the street cars look out for her

– people jog around her for exercise

– she gets runs in her jeans

– her blood type is Ragu

– when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu she gets an estimate

– if she got her shoes shined she'd have to take his word for it

– she has to put her belt on with a boomerang

– when she turns around people throw her a welcome back party

– she can't even jump to a conclusion

– she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

– her belly button doesn't have lint it has sweaters

– when she cuts herself she bleeds gravy